A reminder (for myself mostly)

That which doesn't break you, makes you stronger.

That which doesn't break you, makes you stronger.

Family Crazy

I just spent a few hours decompressing with a couple of girlfriends after a long holiday weekend.  We sat at a local restaurant, ate a little food, had a cocktail, and told our individual sob stories.  We nodded our heads in agreement, cursed the mistakes our parents made, and swore we'd do better by our children.  (When we all know that in 25 years they will be sitting around complaining about all the mistakes we made)

One common thread that weaved through all of our stories was the thought that our families were crazy.  You know what I mean, right? Not clinically crazy, but CrAzY!!!!!  Stories of unfaithful in-laws, aging, addiction, complicated sibling relationships, mental illness, Daddy issues, and everything else you can imagine abounded.  And there were only three of us at the table.  And the holiday weekend was only two days long.

While sharing my bit of CrAzY, I realized that as crazy as my family was and as much as they drove me nuts, I wouldn't trade them for anything.   Their's is a crazy I know (and love) and have come to count on in some way.  And as bad as I think I have it "it's not as bad as she has it..." is a thought that I'm sure each one of us had at some point during the night.   I think the Powers that Be never give us more than we can handle, and never put us in a family that we can't survive.  So embrace your family, you were put in it for a reason, and here's the newsflash:  You are just as CrAzy as the rest of them!  (At least I know I am)  :)

Do unto yourself...

One of the things I struggle with most is taking good care of myself.  Like most people, I was raised to think of others, be a good girl, please others, follow the rules.  But I know to be the best me, the best mother, the best wife, the best daughter, sister, and friend, I have to first take care of myself.  If I don't, I can't be any of those things to the best of my abilities.

I often get caught in the overbooked, chaotic life that happens to me, instead of what I create for myself.  I get pulled under by the guilt, the inability to say no to others, and the loss of living in the moment.  Today, I am trying to focus on myself.  Trying to take care of my needs and treat myself the way I should be treated.

How will I know that I am taking care of myself in the best possible way?

I won't say anything to myself that I would not say to this little girl.

Breathing

The excerpt below was taken from this article I read via Facebook this morning.  My clients who have been treated for anxiety recognize this technique as one of the first things I teach them:  I call it  "Breathing like babies".  Try it!

#5.

Breathing

Congratulations: Chances are that if you're reading this, and you're not a ghost, you've managed to figure out breathing. On the other hand, chances are you're also doing it wrong.

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You're also suddenly aware that you're breathing now.

Take a deep breath right now. We'll wait. If you're anything like most people, you raised your shoulders a little and puffed out your chest like a pigeon in heat. You probably don't see anything wrong with using your chest to breathe, since after all, that's where your lungs are. What the hell else are you going to use? Your thighs? Well, smartass, it turns out that the muscle you're supposed to use to breathe, your diaphragm, is under your lungs and closer to your belly.

Via Wikimedia Commons
Shown here as the white mass on the bottom of this X-ray of Tom Cruise (may not actually be Tom Cruise).

When upright, most people are habitual chest breathers: We use a shallow form of respiration that makes use of only the top part of the lungs. In reality, most of the blood vessels that take up oxygen are in the bottom, neglected half. Since so much lung power is going to waste, we get less oxygen, and as a result, we're all breathing more rapidly than nature intended us to.
Chest breathing also tends to upset the blood's oxygen/carbon dioxide balance and can lead to headaches, fatigue, anxiety and even panic attacks. According to one expert, you're also potentially suffering from sweaty palms, difficulty relaxing, heightened pain perception and general fatigue.

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Or as most people call it -- a "first date."

So how the hell are we meant to do it?
It turns out that breathing is one area in which babies are much smarter than you. Babies use a deeper type of respiration called abdominal breathing, which strengthens and makes full use of their diaphragms. It's only as we grow older that we revert to the more inefficient style. Luckily, you can train your body to go back to breathing properly, and over time, you can even breathe abdominally in your sleep.

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Not to be confused with snoring, which is just breathing abominably.

To practice it, try to "inflate" your stomach as you breathe in, while keeping your chest relatively still. Then contract your abdominal muscles on the exhale. Not only will this give you more oxygen per breath, it will eventually strengthen the diaphragm. A stronger diaphragm means you get more oxygen with each breath, so your brain won't need to divert any away from your muscles, meaning that you get tired less easily.

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Try this now at work, and observe as people kindly give you more breathing space!

A study on cardiac patients showed that this type of breathing leads to improved exercise performance and decreased shortness of breath, and it's also been linked to lower blood pressure. This is the reason that so many coaches recommend breathing practice as a shortcut to sports-based superpowers.

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"I'll have you know this exercise is recommended by my doctor

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_19121_7-basic-things-you-wont-believe-youre-all-doing-wrong.html#ixzz1IkyEnXNE

Defeat

"Keep your head in the game!" "Shake it off!"  "Keep your focus!" "You're beating yourself!"  These are some of the things I shouted at the television last night during the NCAA championship (Go Butler!).  A good game, but really difficult to watch at times.  By the time the game clock read 8:00 minutes left in the second half, you could tell Butler's leaders were trapped inside their own heads.  And no matter how many fans, supporters, coaches, and teammates cheered, screamed, yelled, and threatened, they could not reach into their heads and pull them out.  No one could.  They were in a place of no, and it was building.

At about that same time, you could see UConn's confidence growing.  You could practically hear their positive thinking by the way they carried themselves, and literally feel the momentum of the game shift.  A place of yes, and it was building.

Have you been in that place before?  I suspect you have.  We all beat ourselves up, lose our focus, and miss the goal we set sometimes.  We all get trapped inside the negative thoughts, tell ourselves we can't do it, we aren't good enough, there is nothing more we can do.  People cheer us on, tell us to get out of our funk, but it doesn't help so much.  We are stuck in the negative and it has a great spiraling effect.

What could those team leaders have done differently last night?  What would have happened if they stopped telling themselves negative thoughts and started with positive?  What if Butler was able to get to that place inside their heads, would it have made a difference?

What could you do to get yourself out of the negative space you are in, and move into the positive?  Would it build?  Would it make a difference? 

The first step is the beginning

Sounds simple, doesn't it?  But one thing I know for sure is that starting something new is anything but simple.  Even in the best of circumstances, taking the first step can be so daunting it may take years to begin. 

This blog is a new adventure for me.  It is something that I have considered for a long time.  A lifetime, in some ways.  My vision for this is to be a place to give information, share experiences, and provide support.  An extension of the work I do in my office on a daily basis. 

In my office, I work with a variety of people who struggle with life's ups and downs.  They are no different from me.  They are no different from you.  We work together to identify what is happening, how they got to this point, and most importantly how to begin a journey of change.  Sometimes that is a long journey, sometimes it is short and sweet.  The one thing that is the same is that it all begins with the first step. And that step is the hardest.